


Hello, My old Friend

by boobsmckenzi



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 07:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14828006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boobsmckenzi/pseuds/boobsmckenzi
Summary: Hikaru is trying to cope with his loss of Sai.





	Hello, My old Friend

Warning!: Canon divergence, Suicide, illegal use of alcohol, self harm, drug trafficking, Hikaru slangs so much in normal speech that he sounds almost like a drunk Irishman/Scottish man, and offensive language.

 

Sai was gone. It had finally sunk in a month after he had disappeared. I opened my canteen filled with a mixture of vodka, catnip tequila, and strawberry syrup and took a swig of it. It was the middle of the school day at the high school I was forced to attend by my parents. My grades are in toilet, again. All of my allowance, or lack thereof, is spent on alcohol and I steal alcohol from my parents’ liquor cabinet. Everyday, when I see Torajiro’s goban, I pull the knife that is in my dresser and cut my arms and legs; I no longer wear shorts or no sleeves.

It is the next day, another school day. I walk to school without Akari, she just makes things worse, and sit down at my desk in class. I take a swig of alcohol, wine this time because all of the strawberry syrup was gone and I wanted to make sure that whatever I had had a fruity smell to it. I pull out a piece of paper and draw straight lines, kind of like how I cut myself. “Shindo-kun, please come to the Headmaster’s office with me.” The teacher told me and I followed her. I entered the room without her and she closed the door behind me, typical.  
“Shindou-kun, your grades and behaviour is concerning so we would like for you to attend this everyday from now on and we will count it towards your grades.” He handed me a bright coloured pamphlet and let me return to my class. I slept in class. I didn’t eat lunch, to save allowance money for alcohol. I never bother hanging out in any of the clubs after school and avoided Akari. I went to the alley I usually go to to do my delivery job. Drug delivery. I’m not supposed to ask what I’m transporting, but I already know what it is, so I get paid extra if I can make the person pay more money for ‘higher quality’ drugs. The extra money helps me to, illegally, buy more alcohol. I cover up my job as ‘playing at the arcade’.  
I go to my favourite bar, the only one I ended up finding that allows minors to buy alcohol. “Hey, Shindou-kun. What’re ya wantin’ today?” My favourite bartender asked.  
“Sometin’ dat won leave me breath smellin’ like booze.”  
“Comin’ right up.” She start to pour and mix a drink for me. She poured it into a glass and handed it to me. “It’s on the house. Just for being a regular and ordering our odder alcohols.”  
“Thanks.” I took a sip and it was strong, even for me, “damn… dis is some good shit ya whipped up ‘ere. What would it cost if I bought it?”  
“2000 yen.”  
“Fuck… dat ain’t cheap…” I finished my drink and looked at her, “Well, I gots ta go, can ‘ave mutter ‘spectin’ I been dun sometin’ ‘specious ‘n’ be late fer ‘fue. Later.” I walked out of the bar and returned home.

It has been a week and decisions have been made. My parents are forcing me to go to a depression rehab center and booze is my best friend, but I can’t get my hands on much because I had to quit my secret job in order to keep suspicions low with my parents. “Okay class, we’re all going to share how our week has been and help each other out.” The gaudy teacher said in the unicorn vomit room… the room would have looked better if it were dragon poop, but I can’t complain. Did I mention how horrible my withdrawal symptoms are?  
All of the others share and offer advice and it is now my turn to share. “Nutin’ of sheer ‘portance ‘as ‘appened. I went ta school, din’ do me home’erk, ‘ung out wit de no friends I ‘ave er ever wanted ‘n’ came ‘ere.”  
“Did nothing good seriously happen?” The teacher sounded sad.  
I decided to use my ultimate ability: lying. “Nutin’ bad ‘appened.”  
“Oh! Well that’s good! Right class?” She immediately perked up. Everyone nodded and agreed and I internally groaned at my hangover/withdrawal symptoms. “Since everyone is doing okay, class is over early for today.” Everyone expressed their sadness, except me, I suppressed my sheer joy.

We were let out and I immediately went to my favourite bar and ordered some cheap wine. “It’s been a while ya’ve been ‘ere. What ‘appened ta ya?”  
I sipped on my cheap wine, “Me parents ‘rolled me in ‘pression r’ab class ‘cause de school ‘mended it.” I took another sip.  
“Dat explain’ nutin’.”  
“I can’ werk no mo’ so I ‘ave less mun’ fer booze than ‘fore. Can I jus’ buy cupl’ bottles off ya’ll?”  
“Of course.”

Another week passed and things have gotten worse, besides my ability to lie. I wrote up a note for my parents, who still seem to care, and the Go addicts. I left the house and went to the nearest busy street and waited for the crossing light to tell people to not walk. I looked over my shoulders to notice Touya Akira… “Shit… I gotta do dis ‘fore ‘e notices me.” I looked back to the road and waited for the semi-truck to come down the street at the startling speed it always does on this specific day of the month. “I’m comin’ ta be with ya ‘fereva, Sai.” I ran in front of the truck with a smile and the screams of many and let the impact kill me with no regrets to keep me on this Earth.

 

Epilogue

 

Touya Akira was in the area when he noticed Shindou Hikaru standing at the crosswalk and ran over to him. He nearly got to put his hand on Hikaru’s shoulder when he ran right into the road, getting hit by a speeding semi-truck. His body was whipped into the air and landed within the sea of people on the sidewalk. The screams of horror were deafening. He ran directly up to Hikaru’s body in shock and noticed all of the blood and a couple limbs were ripped off in the collision, but his face had a smile on it. Akira couldn’t do anything but cry and share it with everyone in the Go community.

Sai was sitting restless in heaven. It was odd because Sai was going to finally be allowed to communicate with Hikaru, but the angel who oversaw the communications said something went wrong on Hikaru’s end. “Sai! I’m so ‘appy I found ya!” Hikaru yelled and ran up to him and tackled him in a giant hug.  
“Hikaru! You’re so young! What happened to you? I was just about to call you.”  
“I ran front of a truck so dat I could be wit’ ya ‘gain.” Hikaru happily said.  
“Hikaru! You idiot!” And Hikaru was hit on the head with Sai’s fan that he saw his life in heaven nearly come to an end.

Everyone in the Go community, Hikaru’s parents, Akari, and even Hikaru’s favourite bartender attended his funeral. All of them were crying. “Sai, ya know dat takin’ me ta me own fun’ral ain’t gun’ make me ‘gret killin’ meself.” Hikaru said and promptly got hit on the head with a fan.  
“Now, we shall read the notebook that the deceased left.” The priest cleared his throat, “Dear whoever reads this, I have no regrets. I had nothing left worth living for, only something worth dying for, and I am completely satisfied in death. I wish for almost all of my possessions to be donated to charity and for my Goban, along with the goke to be donated to the Go shrine that is on the edge of Tokyo, Gramps knows where it is. I hated my parents for forcing me to do things and not being supportive. I was an alcoholic, but that did not make me want to commit suicide nor did it help fuel my decision. Enclosed, I have the complete story of Fujiwara no Sai, my Go instructor, and the journey we had together and how we met. You may not believe it, but all of it is true. It started a little over two years ago, when Akari and I were 12, and we were in Gramps attic looking for something for me to sell to get a little bit for pocket money………”


End file.
